Phuckwhitt Phestival line up announced

It is with great pleasure, and with only two days to go, that I can announce the line up for The Phirst Phuckwhitt Phestival of the Alternative Arts, which starts on Friday.
First night, the headliners are Ted Milton's Blurt, with Bark, Gusset, and The Impressionable Jennifers.
On Saturday, we are lucky enough to be joined by Pilot, Smokey, and Sailor, whilst on Sunday I can gleefully announce that the line up is The United States of America, The Fugs, and, ending the whole thing with a life-affirming howl, my old sparring partner Allen Ginsburg. It was he, of course, who importuned me in a cottage off The Fulham Palace Road. If it wasn't for that Philipino lass in Telford, I might be tempted to take up his offer, these days, if I could still get it up.